The JAY returns ...

A feedback I got from WY kept me thinking a lot … and she told me that I tend to analyze things a lot & make things complex. It’s nothing bad but too much of it is bad.

Meeting her is one of the steps I’ve taken in my road to recover the lost me … among meeting other important friends in my life. And while a lot of feedback hit many different spheres of me … it’s all very contrasting & giving me different messages. That makes things confusing

Even the places I’ve visited in search of inspiration … gave me something, but in all, something was missing … there’s a lot of feel good, a lot of explanation, a lot of inspiration … but they are all loosely scattered around my head & heart.

For all of you who have cared & stood by me in my darkest hours … I thank you once again for your offers, your time & concern over this mini project of myself …

This morning, I found the answer … as the question persistently lingered in my mind … have I taken complexity to an extreme? Have I analyzed too much?

As I stepped on the asphalt in the hot 11am sun, the answer came just as sure the road I’ve been walking for the past year … it’s always been like that … I’ve always been complex come rain or shine … but why am I faltering in my storm?

Austin Powers call it his mojo … similarly, I concur that I’ve lost the JAY in me. Yes, the Jay is what’s missing. So what’s the JAY?

Maybe it’s the drive in me … the confidence to find solution for any problems … the cheek to say, YES! I can do it … brining out the smooth operator who gets things done … the part in me that takes the analysis … faces the complexity in me … and gels them all with innovation … passion & determination to get something worked out.

Honestly, I’ve analyzed too much … over complicate things … and it’s no longer simple & clear. I tend to lose focus of the objectives, I don’t achieve them & I lose confidence. I’ve spent the past 18 months wallowed in situations where I do not have experience, do not have control, do not have support, do not have skills … and they’ve beaten the JAY into submission.

As my good friend Jarod wisely quoted today … ‘sometimes, it’s not good being too smart & analyzing things … it’s better to be a little dumb, go out face the problem & maybe bang your head in the wall a few times’. And that sounds like the me I used to know & who needs to emerge out of his shell.

Time has been invested & churned into experience. Mistakes have been crafted into skills. Control has been empowered to me with support & faith.

So, JAY, walk out … bring the best in you … and in time, bring out the best in others.

‘You’ve been through a lot of shit, & perhaps not lucky. But no one else has the chance to experience the problems you’ve gone through & maybe you are not as well off as the lucky ones. But no one else can stand like you today & be given the opportunity as you have now. So go out, bring out the best in you & you can make it happen.’

From my good friend, DY. Thanks for your support & belief.

Heartfelt appreciation ...

I want to thank & remember these people who’ve been the lights in my road of life so far … and taken care of me in best concerns ...

My parents – my lights who showered me the love, care, belief & guidance, especially when I am quite stubborn, at times rebellious & short tempered. The best parents are the ones who shine at times of adversity & being through the ups & downs bring out the true lights in my life. We might not always agree, but being able to compromise & seeing my point of view too is something I’m lucky to have

My brother – my sounding board & maybe the most positive person behind whatever I do; he’s always seen my moves as opportunities, not potential problems & reminding me of how lucky I am

My sister – perhaps the conscience in my family, always the emphatic one & being the most contrasting opinion when it comes to people, always give me a lot to re-think

Damone Aang, former manager, England Optical SS15 – the person who gave me my 1^st job & 1^st lesson in professionalism

Pauline Chong, former manager, England Optical Taipan, USJ – the lady who taught me business savvy & the art of having a close team, who are not just good at working together, but also as friends

Lau Wei Chun, former LCP & schoolmate – the guy who challenged me to bring out the best in myself & believed in me when I did not believe in myself

Justin Lim, former MCP, housemate & good friend – the guy who persevered with my extreme ideas & aggressive approach, and gave me a chance to be part of a great team

Mark Kis-Szabo, former trainee & good friend – the guy who 1^st, opened my eyes to the world, and 2ndly taught humility & adaptability of a global citizen

Jarod Lee, former team mate & good friend – the guy who showed me how being simple can be endearing

LWY, good friend – one, who taught me the importance of a contented life, the importance of balance & reminding me be more simple & think less. For being the 1^st person to confront me about my problem that is eating me

Stanka Estokova, former MCP & good friend – the person who gave me the experience of a lifetime to be in Slovakia & leading in a foreign environment

Damian Koh, former manager, HP – the big brother I’ve never acknowledged and the guy who gave me the hell of a beating to bring out the business savvy & accountability in me

Yau Wee Sian, former boss, HP – the guy who saw something in me & gave me the chance to be in HP

Abidali Dossa, former director, Marcus Evans – my big brother who gave me the ground I needed to grow, the seed of trust and the waters of motivation to bring out the best in me. The guy who showed me that background is no barrier to an international career.

Travelogue: Kota Kinabalu, 25 Sep 06

Flying

0607 Arrived at LCCT, Sepang

0615 Checked in

0623 Went for piss & bought breakfast

0634 Got in line for flight … it’s a long long one sigh

0650 got my seat on the plane … aah

0900 scheduled to arrive on 0923

0935 announcement – cannot land due to heavy pour at KK

0950 announcement – still cannot land, pilot jokes that we got enough fuel for another 2
hrs ... ironic sense of homour

1025 eventually land. Air Asia guy does not allow me to snap a pic … darn

finally, at KK

1035 hopped into a cabbie, (RM20). Airport (terminal 2) is under reno and lots of mud
everywhere … yucks

1200 Got out, walked around & found food at Gaya Street … good ngau chap (better than the one in JB). The place is like a mini chee cheong kai … with lots of Chinese shops
& a large gerbang

1215 walked up signal hill to the observatory

1305 started promisingly from Merdeka field, small road, very lush, not steep

1320 reached the observatory, quite a good view & got a Jap to snap me a photo. Coolio.

1340 reached the foothill

1350 Went to GSC, an old cinema building. Why not a movie? Day’s young, covered more
than half of the city centre. Watched DOA.

1545 done with movie. Bummed around

1615 reached open market … a lot of goods from boats, mostly vege & fruits. Also a lot of
food, it’s the open food market & brisk business due to buka puasa. Lots of BBQ
seafood of all sizes. Smelt good, but doubt cleanliness. I passed.

1630 went into nadicraft market. Lots of wood stuff & interesting, not the usual crap from
KL’s Central market … nice carvings at ok prices.

1700 Bought myself some nice pieces … quite happy & thought they were bargains. Went
back to rest

1800 sky started getting dark. Realized time zone is slightly different in East Malaysia &
dinner starts earlier … so made a move. Asked for recommendations from the hotel
guy. Gave some idea, which was good, cheap & fresh (although different from original
plan)

0900 finished dinner. Very full, so started to work off the excess … walked to bistro row
near promenade, and kept walking until the end of the city centre. Didn’t walk to
Sutera Harbour cos had to pass squatters, so went back

2030 got back. TV showed news about KK as a nest for child prostitution. Funny, cause I
didn’t see any on the way back since the hot area was where my hotel is. Maybe it’s
too early.

Observations for the day:

1. A lot of bumis working in Chinese restaurants, almost not possible in KL

2. a lot of poor bumis walking around me, but I didn’t feel threatened, whereas in KL, I would have been afraid

3. people are more simple, they smile more, they are more sincere & not so defensive

4. a lot of foreigners per square km for such a small city, probably cause KK is a checkpoint city to other parts of Sabah

Travelogue: Kota Kinabalu, 26 Sep 06

Prelude

0615 Woke up. Repacked my day’s stuff for jungle trekking whilst watching Shirley
Valentine on Cinemax

0645 Down for breakfast.

0700 it’s as bright as 8:30am in KL

0730 walked to Wisma Merdeka. Stopped by the Pasar Besar to have a peek. Very big,
reminds me of the ones I went to in towns out of Klang valley, huge & multipurpose.
They have a separate building for fish at the back, right next to the mini jetty

0800 Reached Wisma Merdeka & waited for tour operator; quite excited about the trip to
Kinbalu Park. But funnily, no one came yet. Sigh.

Change of plans

0805 called up tour operator. Told me trip is off, they lost my number, hence not calling
me. Fuck. Ok, so what else is there? Island trip. Anything else? Nope. Ok, I’ll take it. Got me back to my hotel, quickly repacked for beach gear … and quickly too
since the next boat is at 8:30am

0830 got to Sutera Harbour. Swell, now I am finally there (killing 2 birds with 1 stone), but
darn, beach trip … no sunblock. I had poor holiday risk management.

Sapi Island

0900 reached Sapi Island, one of the isles in Tunku Abdul Rahman national park. Very
nice, cause the moment I walked to waist level, I am fully surrounded by fish (pls refer
to pics of Sapi Island). But a lot of dead corals, only in deeper waters are there
corals.

0945 decided to get up (although boat pick up is at 1200) cause I have no sunblock & no
intention to get sunburned. The shower was a bit far, but necessary to wash off the
salt enveloping my bod.

1000 walked around, took photos & papa razzed other tourists.

1030 started to write journal. Took more photos as some good looking … erm … ladies
strolled by …

1130 they gave me my lunch, quite a lot of stuff … so saved a cake for later.

Manukan Island

1200 boat arrived on time, off to Manukan Island. Supposed to be a larger place … took
more photos of myself on the boat … oh yes, the boat was riding on choppy waves,
quite a nice feeling (though it made others sick)

1212 arrived at Manukan Island. The jetty seemed to have more fish, who swarmed around
once we got off.

1227 reached the beach (supposedly the part with corals), quite a distance from jetty. But
there’s actually less corals & fish than Sapi. Disappointed.

1246 better get off the water. 1^st, no fish. Then also no sunblock under midday sun is a
critical risk for sunburn. Off to shower.

1310 good feeling to be in nice dry & clean clothes. The shady trees are a good retreat to
listen to music & write my travelogue. Good time to indulge in the choco cake I
saved. Still a long time to the boat at 1500

1400 went to the trail to sunset point, & thought it might be a small reprieve for my
ambitions of jungle trekking. Well, I was rewarded almost instantly by spotting a
monitor lizard in my path, 10 metres ahead. Quickly snapped a picture.

1415 heard a noise, stopped & caught sight of another lizard … so me got another one.

1420 almost there, but the path started to look very deserted, dirty & I had a not so good feeling about the place. Since I was alone, started my path back.

1437 got back to jetty. Well, took photos of the jetty & also the beautiful local girls doing
the reception. Saw a shirt I liked (it sports ‘Beach Bum’), but since they quoted
RM38, I thought why not buy it back at town?

1500 boat arrived, & jolly ho, me going back to Sutera Harbour.

Back in town

1515 back & took more photos of myself at the harbour. Now I have something to post on
my blog.

1530 my ride came & took me back to the hotel. Then went for a walk around the
handicraft centre again, hunting for the shirt I saw earlier, but to no avail.
Disappointed. Sigh.

1620 Got a good shower & watched some TV.

Movie again ...

1700 decided to catch a movie at 6pm, then dinner later … and the movie was … ‘My
super ex-girlfriend’ since nothing else was enticing.

1745 bought the ticket, and this cinema looked more dodgy with no real enclosures as it
melded with the arcade centres on the floor …

1800 the cinema was quite large & was like the old ones with large leather seats … but it
was clean & had no weird odor, which was good enough for me. But this movie had
only 3 people watching, creepy.

2005 done with movie. Not impressed, its just another time burner for me. Sigh.

2015 had dinner at Ang’s again … the other options I had was either fast food, expensive seafood place or bah kut teh. All not enticing. But food here was simple & wholesome.

2040 back to hotel. Hotel guy is very helpful, asked me about my plans for 3^rd day & I
thought of taking a tour with the operator again. But this guy had the ingenious idea
of me me taking a bus to UMS … told me how to get there … so I was challenged …
to see the most beautiful campus in Malaysia. I thought maybe it was exaggerated,
but the idea had merit

2050 a nice shower. Watched EPL highlights. Read Tuesdays again. Too lazy to write
travelogue. Tried some of the Sabah tea, same like Cameronian tea

2310 hit the sack

Observations for the day

1. People are very trusting, I could leave my bag with my tour operator (my camera & mp3 player inside) and the other was, I could rent my snorkels without deposit, and only by paying the fee ... they don't even check with me to return it

2. Locals have this easy going culture, like when I asked for anything, they would oblige & if they cannot provide, they readily provide suggestions ... ready to help all the time. This is something I loved about people there as in KL, it's quite hard to find people like this ...

3. There's a lot of Taiwanese & Japanese tourists at the beach. Few ang mohs.

Comparing Taiwanese & Jap tourists

Taiwanese
Loud, obnoxious, like to hide in the shade, come in big groups, less flesh in swimsuits, more fat, either in water or in the shade (bitching or gambling)

Japanese

Quiet, discreet, love the sun (suntanning), only in bikinis, skinny or nice bod, tanning on the beach or taking photos

Change of plans

Sigh, no point getting angry about the change from hiking to island hopping, might as well anjoy the ride.

When I told WY that this holiday would be a 'go with the flow' type & making plans as I go along, it turned out to be a self fulfilling phrophecy. Ah (wistfully).

The reluctant snorkeller

I don't like sloating too long in the water (my skin can get soggy) ... just as long as i saw the fishes, no point floating so long to see the same one.

Prefer to sit by the beach, enjoy the breeze, a drink & watch the ladies

Speed boat

it's been a while since i took an exciting ride & the boat on choppy waves was cool ... plenty of butterflies in my stomach each time it hits one biggie, but I love the thrill & heart jumping moments.

Why a journal?
some people think this makes a holiday very serious, and very output oriented. Perhaps not. A lot of moments in life can pass away without much meaning, unless digested, viewed on the bigger picture & on alternative dimensions. So by writing, I gauge & digest better my experiences when I write & gets me closer to my feelings ...

Travelogue: Kota Kinabalu, 27 Sep 06

Going to UMS

0730 had breakfast. Made up my mind to go to UMS , will skip the Monsopiad village idea

0800 went to Pasar Besar, bought the chillies & pineapples. Also found a copy of my manga (that made me quite happy)

0820 went back to room, to pack for my trip to UMS. The hotel lady told me I could check out at 4pm instead of 12pm as initially told. That was very nice of her, just kept thanking her

0835 caught a mini-bus (actually a van) at Pasar Besar to UMS. Passed by those Bajau houses on the sea by stilts. But the water was not deep, like knee length. But it does look in poor conditions & weather beaten

At Universiti Malaysia Sabah

0845 reached UMS. The entrance with waterfall was majestic … and even more was the canselori on the hilltop once I walked through the gates … simply cool like the hotel guy told me

0850 reached the Dewan Kuliah Pusat, had quite a nice canteen, with scenic seat under pines trees … looked so enticing. But kept going

0900 saw the cove for the aquatic faculty, looked very nice & I can imagine that once completed, it would be the most scenic faculty in Malaysia … next to the beach, how more grand can you ask for?

1000 reached the top of the canselori, and it’s breathtaking, from the front, overseeing the Likas area … and also the sea … it’s so nice & breezy, so I stopped for an oat bar there … simple but enjoyable pleasure. Of course by now I took tons of pictures …

1050 walked past the nice mosque (it’s more polygonal than curved) & descended down to the forestry faculty … thought it would lead me back to the entrance, but I was wrong … I had to climb up the hill again to the mosque again via another road … and was very tired by then.

Back to KK

1110 reached the gate, took 1 last picture of the canselori & waited for my mini-bus again. It came very quickly though. Went for a quick meal at Gaya Road, this time trying the laksa … not as nice as the one in KL, but it was different, I think it used the chicken curry instead of fishy curry powder

1130 took my bath & headed to Centralpoint for another movie, this time … ‘You, me & Dupree’ …

1400 movie exceeded my expectations & was quite happy with my time spent there.

Last bits of action

1415 went to the handicraft market again, bought my last pieces & went to buy the seafood that SF told me about. Quite good deal as 500g of frozen scallops was for RM12. Bought that and oysters at RM30 per kg. Done, my last shopping item in KK.

1515 took my bath, packed the last bits & ready to go.

1545 checked out. Waited for cab

1600 cab took me to buy my dinner, waited for me … then we’re off to Terminal Two.

1630 it’s still too early for a 1820 flight, but at least I am early, so I can relax, & anyway, no point hanging around in town with all my baggage (it’s a lot after considering the seafood & pineapples I bought back)

1800 got into plane, took off early too

Back in KL

2015 arrived back in LCCT. So glad to be back.

2100 parents arrive, then off to KLIA to send off the piggy.

2330 finally home, did some reintegration & then snoozed. What a trip.

Frozen seafood

The frozen seafood I bought were quite good deals, I thought. It’s at the road near Meridien hotel & 90 degrees to KK Plaza. Recommend for you to buy if you can find it.

Universiti Malaysia Sabah

I liked the campus very much, and I used to say that UUM was the most beautiful campus in West Malaysia. But with the breathtaking view, ultra clean environment & easy going lifestyle, USM gets my top vote. I now harbor a desire to retire to KK & teach at UMS … wow … very nice dream

By the way, the walk was very very tiring because of the 3 hills I covered by only walking ... and my legs were weak. Was glad to have 2 hours hibernation in the cinema to recuperate

People of KK

I liked people in KK, they are very warm, very sincere, very trustable, very helpful (even though some may not look the part) … and do not be fooled by gruff, simpleton or assertive looks, they are indeed more helpful than people in KL & they have simple & pure intentions towards their fellow human beings … I felt safe there for all of my time there.

I will definitely be back again & probably to conquer Mount Kinabalu … so it’s a long awaited trip to KK … the land below the wind … the winds of gentleness & warmth!

I was glad to be back in KL, but is the bustle, the rat race & lifestyle of a city what I really want? To be thought over & considered over the coming times … for now, lie the dream of living in KK.

My path to change ...

Some decisions I have made following my 1 month holiday:

Have to change my lifestyle & adjust to new working conditions. As my workplace is at Phileo, it’s impossible to be home for an evening jog (work finishes at 6:30pm & the traffic is horrendous), so most likely I’ll join a gym near office. Also have been instructed to exercise double of what I usually do, so it’ up to 5 km per day (if I still do jogging)

Have to change my diet; doc says borderline cases of urea acid, cholesterol & sugar … so I’ve been going on a vegan diet for the past 2 days. Started off ok, but there might come a time when I will start craving for meat. Meanwhile, have to cut down on white stuff (rice & bread), alcohol, sweet stuff, meat, MSG laced soups, and a whole other plethora of stuff. For now, set as once a month having meat. Now I am at 90kg, doc says I need to go down to 70kg. Dunno how I'll do that, but I have to take out all the perseverance & will in me to do it.

Take a different approach to career; I’ll still push hard in work, but I need to take my mind off it & put in a balance … I also cannot compromise my principles for work as I did in my previous company. Work is important to earn money, but it should be done the right way, a more reasonable & solution based approach.

Let me get these moving into gear … and don’t wanna set too many goals.

Makan: Wongkok Char Chan Teng

In the slew of Hongkie eateries around Malaysia, my 1st encounter was Kim Gary, but it wasn't the best of introductions with the ultra greasy chicken wings baked in cheese ... which was a ... cheesy concoction ... though tast, but left a huse dose of oil to be cleansed from my system (same with the other things I tried out like fried rice) ...

Thank goodness for WKCCT ... I find the place more nicely decorated and the selection of food, starting from menu was more friendly ... first of all, it was in colour & with lots of pictures, so we had an idea of what to order (even though not all came as shown) ...


And most of all, though it's chic food, it's not too greasy (not at all, even for the fried rice) ... and the drinks are not too sweet (though it was too large portion for my sis' friend, KF to finish) ...


I've been there many times & don't mind going there ... I like the selection of breads they have ... quite innovative & a feast for the eyes too