The JAY returns ...

A feedback I got from WY kept me thinking a lot … and she told me that I tend to analyze things a lot & make things complex. It’s nothing bad but too much of it is bad.

Meeting her is one of the steps I’ve taken in my road to recover the lost me … among meeting other important friends in my life. And while a lot of feedback hit many different spheres of me … it’s all very contrasting & giving me different messages. That makes things confusing

Even the places I’ve visited in search of inspiration … gave me something, but in all, something was missing … there’s a lot of feel good, a lot of explanation, a lot of inspiration … but they are all loosely scattered around my head & heart.

For all of you who have cared & stood by me in my darkest hours … I thank you once again for your offers, your time & concern over this mini project of myself …

This morning, I found the answer … as the question persistently lingered in my mind … have I taken complexity to an extreme? Have I analyzed too much?

As I stepped on the asphalt in the hot 11am sun, the answer came just as sure the road I’ve been walking for the past year … it’s always been like that … I’ve always been complex come rain or shine … but why am I faltering in my storm?

Austin Powers call it his mojo … similarly, I concur that I’ve lost the JAY in me. Yes, the Jay is what’s missing. So what’s the JAY?

Maybe it’s the drive in me … the confidence to find solution for any problems … the cheek to say, YES! I can do it … brining out the smooth operator who gets things done … the part in me that takes the analysis … faces the complexity in me … and gels them all with innovation … passion & determination to get something worked out.

Honestly, I’ve analyzed too much … over complicate things … and it’s no longer simple & clear. I tend to lose focus of the objectives, I don’t achieve them & I lose confidence. I’ve spent the past 18 months wallowed in situations where I do not have experience, do not have control, do not have support, do not have skills … and they’ve beaten the JAY into submission.

As my good friend Jarod wisely quoted today … ‘sometimes, it’s not good being too smart & analyzing things … it’s better to be a little dumb, go out face the problem & maybe bang your head in the wall a few times’. And that sounds like the me I used to know & who needs to emerge out of his shell.

Time has been invested & churned into experience. Mistakes have been crafted into skills. Control has been empowered to me with support & faith.

So, JAY, walk out … bring the best in you … and in time, bring out the best in others.

‘You’ve been through a lot of shit, & perhaps not lucky. But no one else has the chance to experience the problems you’ve gone through & maybe you are not as well off as the lucky ones. But no one else can stand like you today & be given the opportunity as you have now. So go out, bring out the best in you & you can make it happen.’

From my good friend, DY. Thanks for your support & belief.