my fav chorus ...

"with all my heart, I pledge my love forever ...
u got my word, you & I will always be together ...
there may be times, we have a disagreement ...
this love's too strong, to ever let it come between us ... "

"broken heart has ended, with my live again ...
remembering the yesterdays, I got to be ...
i could have it over, with my life again ...
i wouldn't change a single thing ...
i wish that I could turn back the clock"

not ready ....

what is ready?

when we say we are ready for something? how ready are we? is readiness the prepared-ness to take on the possibles? is ready defined by the holistic angles covered? is ready the term that stands through the test of time?

I guess ready is just a philosophy with a degree of correctness and possibility, we cannot be 100% ready because to say that, is to achieve ultimate perfection ... and readiness ... isn't it a combination of mental and physical dimensions?

Can I say I am ready for the job? not always, but the way forward is just attitude & approach to it ... guess sames goes to readiness in friendship & relationship ...

Readiness is also the will power to let go ... of lesser components, in sacrifice for bigger game ... in order to jump to a higher league and dimension.

We all say at some time of our life that we are not ready, I was never ready to grow up, never ready to take responsibility, but everyday, we make choices and these choices branch from attitude & values. So, while we can never be ready, we eliminate it by choosing to reduce it.

I am not ready to take on the responsibility of my new job, but i make my choice to face it & find solutions ... I am not ready to love someone, but I take the 1st step into an unknown and my fear to seek my feelings ....

then again, should we rather term it as not ready or getting started? I love to term it as ... just a matter of perspective & definition ...

skyline 

fast tracked by road less travelled

(continuation)

a brief peek into my future from my new director was quite impressive as the company had some high aspirations, and to a point, quite intimidating as it's surpassing many other illustrious people in the company, including my mentor (who is facing other issues)

looking back, i was wondering if this was a result of my days in AIESEC? I have always theroreticized that my experience in @ will be invaluable in management ... but I doubted these ever since I joined HP ... (they convinced me that idealistic & theoretical days were over the day I stepped out of @). So, I quickly shed my old style of being too idealistic and started to 'grow' my hard & pushy character which has served me well in HP & now Marcus Evans ... in fact, it's quite good to be able to hold people accountable for non-performance AND most of all, punish them (which as not possible in a voluntary org. such as @)

But now, the skills in manouvering around people (on the political side) have come of age, especially when in management position ...

it just strikes me that my theory did come right, especially in taking the road less travelled ... by doing my work in @, by leaving my comfort zone ...

so at this point, I can say that so far in my early start to career, it was indeed worth the risk to take an unconventional route to learning ...

:)

going on the fast track ...

being an achiever, I have always wanted to be the best in many things, especially in work ... and except for my lapse in motivation & energy ...

so recently, I received attention about my work and the promotion & plan by company for me is indeed tremendous; if I do well .. a lot of new challenges await me ... a lot of opportunities.

And now, having reached a level of performance & recognition I always wanted, I suddenly felt strange & do not fit in ... it's too weird after being in several companies which I was good but not rising to higher roles within my time there or being in places where my contract were only for a year. Maybe the skills picked up from so many places and in multiple perspectives was enriching, but what is hurting me (a little) is about accepting recognition & promotion ... maybe also the mindset of staying longer than a year in a company, something which I have nto done before.

been trying to find my footing & strength to take upon the challenge from friends & it's quite good to feel accepted (at least professionally) by my new team.

(to be continued ...)

a life of senior producer

moving on from the India team is quite hard ... i already miss my former conference director abid ... though he sits only a few tables away.

sitting in my new position, i have to take up a new level of big brother to many people who have been here for a longer time than me in the company ...

it's also a lot of thinking at another level which i have not been engaged before and thinking ahead for others and working in a leaner & more dynamic way is something that i must adapt & take up

well ... though i have been in senior management of AIESEC before, I guess this is totally different and I freaked out ... though temporarily.

But in my real character, this was only temporary and now I can say I am running up to the game now ... trying to find solutions instead of sitting and moping.

Will tell u more another time :)

My sister ...

In my life, I have many younger girl friends that enjoy a close relationship with me and to them; I am somewhat the big brother and them being my little sisters. This is not hard coming form the fact that I am the eldest in my family, hence my protective brother approach to friends.

But, as the saying goes, blood is thicker than water and the closest one to my heart is my little sister … my own J

I would like to think that she’s the one I watch closest to … the one whom I take most pride in her personal achievements, the one whom I tolerate playfulness and pamper-ful character … but honestly, she always gets away by being cute about things …

But I was not always close with her … I was less tolerant to her behaviour when I was younger, but as they say … people change & I did … just when I started living away from home in university, then Europe, Singapore and now, when she moved to Japan.

You might not believe it, but I do share quite a few of my secrets with her, that most people do not know. And many find it surprising, since the age gap of 5 years is not one which most brothers share out … but I think I am cool with her.

Do I miss her? Yes I do, but I guess life’s about growing up and letting go, so I believe she will venture out to find her path in life … but big brother is watching somewhere from here.

Change management ... round 2

it's amazing that wonderful people we know, are vulnerable to leave our life at anytime, and it's always that it's not something to be anticipated or ideal ....

at work, it's quite a turmoil for myself last week and seems like i discovered another last night.

For the 1st time, my group of friends at workwent out for dinner with Neelum, our former colleague who's moving to Singapore ... and it was nicely placed at Souled Out ... i enjoyed a great curry laksa ...

however, what transpired there was not the best as we shared thoughts about possible career moves for those stuck in a rut and for those who failed to settle well ... and I was quite shocked about some decisions since they came earlier than I thought.

I will miss them all when they leave, but as a friend, I do also hope that they find something better and fulfilling their needs & ambitions ... life is too short anyway to be wasted on things we are unhappy about

too many people came & left ... is this all for some reason? since these are all things out of my control, i only wish for the best, their best.

The road in life was never easy, what more taking the less travelled paths.

share my thoughts later with u guys

A matter of perspective

Do opposites attract? An amazing thought because people debate this all the time ....

As for me, I am attracted to someone quite different from me ... and it's quite amazing that M & me always end up thinking on oppostie ends, even though we are just requoting what we said previously to each other ... only taking different sides of the opinion.

How can I fall for someone like M? It's something I never thought of ... though my 1st impression was that she is ths sweetest thing I ever saw .... but knowing the low self esteem in me ... I never thought of falling for her, since there's nothing I felt of myself good for her.

I think our conversations started on diplomatic terms ... but after some time, I saw the other side of her ... her righteousness and opinions ... her concerns ... and I am amazed sometimes by the way she see & approach things (though I do not always agree with them). Always trying to protect the oppressed, having strong opinions, and conclusive ... I am fascinated by her compassion for others.

At this stage, I know I like her ... but not sure of how she thinks of me. Just something I need to explore.

M, I am thinking of you now. Are you thinking of me?

New stage in life ...

Change is the only constant in the world …

The amazing thing about change, is not just the magnitude, timing or frequency … but also the angle and level.

And opportunity often comes within the disguise of challenge. Since change itself is challenging enough to be faced … I should view it too as opportunity? Probably.

I have been fighting change this week …

Change in environment

Change in initial career path

Change in boss

Change in promotion

And now, when I look back … it was indeed a turbulent week, emotionally for me. Too much uncertainty … too much pressure from within and outward

I acknowledge that I did lose control many times … more than I should, but perhaps it was good … to indicate what I really felt … to remind that I am still a human with emotions, insecurity, sensitivity and definitely, a kid in myself.

At this point, the fear is still there … as many variables are still floating though direction has already been sealed in ink.

To be fair, I have not approached this move in very positive light; I was finding fault in it too much due to the way it was brought across and the many variables surrounding the nature of the change. Absolutely, I was not at all thankful for this.

And herein, l drew a learning point that I have been leaning too much to an extreme in my approach to life lately … a lot of fear, a lot of pride, quite insensitive, too much into my career …

It’s very true that I largely ignored my spiritual strength in the past months, replacing it with achievements & breakthroughs in work, which is not a fair trade. I thought I was too strong … too well balanced, had a good sense of thankfulness, good sense of strength for people around me & myself … well … not so true after all … I am human and have succumbed that in my chase for career.

Knowing & accepting this is quite important, as the 1^st step to resolve this, I need to build back this area in my life … find a balance of work, study & friends, I need to listen more to my inner thoughts & concerns, acknowledge my successes & falls …

And honestly, I have been seriously considering if god is present in my life, I know I have been fighting to find an answer & in many times, I just walked away from the doors that (maybe) would have led to him. Call it chance, fate or will of god, it’s amazing that at this time of my life, my path … I consider this seriously. Probably I have outlived my seasons of loneliness, it was easier to be strong when the path was less complex as now, but probably more of that I was too young & brash to think so openly.

This is another stage of my life, in Marcus Evans, going on a fast track, met up with a wonderful friend in Mad … so I am just exploring this direction … will update soon …

Promotion - the rollercoaster begins

Just a quick word that I am promoted to Senior Conference Producer and will be transferred to a new part market I have never covered ... the most hyped ... China market.

The promotion & transfer was less shocked since the preceding days had grapevine going around that this is the direction I will be heading to ... just only the details were not out.

Though I did not get the pay I wanted ... but the challenge of further advancement is there. And looking back, I am only here for 7 months ... and other usually take 10 to 16 months for promotion ... the fastest ever in the office ... another new record.

Just a lot of questions in my head about this new area, position and personal growth. Only the future will reveal ... catch u then