I beg to differ ...

A friend upon breaking up says, “I think I still love her.”, but is this love? Can't live without the other person? I think this is purely emotional dependency.

When one falls in love as a loving adult instead of as a needy, one’s need for the relationship is totally different. One would have learned how to fill oneself with love and define one’s worth. This fullness overflows and one would want to share this love with another person. To share love rather than to get love …

When one pick from one’s wounded self (emotional dependency), this person who wants to get rather than share love will eventually find themselves in disappointment. He/she will blame the other for not loving them in the way they want to be loved. When relationships break up, it is often because one or both partners are not taking responsibility for their own feelings and self-worth and are blaming other for their unhappiness.

Someone once told me to learn to give to yourself and others what it is you want from this person. Your job is to become the person to yourself that you want the other person to be. Then you will be able to be "in love" rather than "in need." You will be able to love another person for who he is rather than for what this person can do for you. Instead of needing to get love, you can give love from the heart for the joy of it.

This stuff above is written by an acquaintance … let's not divulge who, shall we?

While it’s really NONE of my business to butt in … I just cannot help share some thoughts with my friends.

When I fall in love … I want to take away some poles of independence from myself. I would want to be loved & love in return. I would be lying if I said I don’t want to be loved. Unabashedly, I think there’s nothing wrong to be a little selfish when I love. I would want my partner to be on my side when I am most down & need her most. In return, I will give myself to fulfil her wants too. Of course not all the time it can happen for both ways, but as much as possible & that’s what I think being in a relationship (for me) is for.

While I respect this author’s views & needs … I am totally on the other side of the hyperbole … and you know what? I’ve always told friends & family that who I am in work & outside it, are 2 different people.

Yes, let’s talk all about responsibility & taking ownership, yada, yada, yada .. cause in work … I can be all that & more. Let’s be idealistic & professional cause that’s what my worth is.

But love is not meant to be all these black & white stuff … it’s all about shades of grey. I can be understanding, but I also seek understanding. I want to be less rational … I want to be more expressive …

Pardon my language (or difference of view), but screw this serious stuff about taking responsibility for ownself, I want to be responsible for my partner’s feelings, self worth & unhappiness. As the good book says, for better or for worse … and DEFINITELY NOT, for me, myself & myself ONLY.

And when I am in love, I am my lady’s most dependable partner, I will be there in your hour of need & calls, and I am also not ashamed to call when I'm in need … I am comfortable with the fact that she needs me & I need her.

All this about giving love for the joy of it is for saints & counsellors. That’s oh-so honourable. But I am NOT a counsellor. And I am NOT a saint. I am JUST Jay.

Ps. Surely I will love my lady for who she is. And for sure not love her for what she can do for me because it’s more than that … and because she completes me. Love’s not a black & white dictionary … it is a canvas painted with the colours of life.

[Play the song, ‘From this moment’ please … thank you]