Time lost or lessons learnt?

17^th August 2006

227 days have passed since the inception of 2006. 138 days left for the rest of the year.

2 days ago, I told several friends that I felt I have achieved nothing in this year. Yes, I’ve learnt a lot, yes, I’ve moved forward but with no significant benchmarks. Work was a burnout & total disaster (which I shall write later once the chapter is over) and personal life was mediocre, 2005 was better.

My MSN hovered this message over the past days … ‘What’s there to move on when nothing really started?’

Perhaps those words were the best way to reflect what I feel about 2006, a TOTAL standstill … a lot of jazz, a lot of promise … but all fizzled out … or more aptly … it totally bombed out. I put so much, I tried very hard for work, but it just fell flat cause this is not what I want to do, nor can I take it.

Personal life started off ok, but with work stress & pressure from MBA just knocked the stuffing out of me … let’s just say when it mattered most, I baulked due to emotional drainage & procrastination (it would have been easier to say physical tiredness, but let’s be really honest, ok?). I would like to say that I had many doubts, I played too safe, but then again, it’s a high stakes game where winner takes all … so …

Like all classic love fools, when I woke up, the train had left … or rather, someone else took my place and this idiot called me, ended up chasing the carriage with flailing arms in despair. It sounds tragic, but you might not think so when you meet me because I act so cool & aloof about it. Is there a point to cry? Depends. Such is me, not just a love fool, but a proud & timid love fool.

Most fortunately … my closest friends have been my light at the end of my tunnel … for as many times as I could remember this year, they appeared at times when my mind was submerged in the pits of the underworld … and helped me forget sorrows & remember the good things in life such as good friends.

At many times, I just wonder … how I would survive if not for the trip to east coast, the movies, the paintball, the caving trips … because I’d be wallowing in my pitiful life with burdens of the mind. Which reminds me, should involve myself in more activities, less thinking about the worries in life.

Conclusion?

I may not have moved or started or even taken off, but a change in direction may be just the tonic I need. Even if it means sacrifices to be made.