Checkpoint ...
End of another era ...
8th August 2005. It's amazing that the year has progressed so fast, so fast that I wonder if time is of essence anymore?
1 promotion, 2 heartbreaks, 3 depressions, 4 MBA subjects & countless challenges later, since 1st Jan 2005, I sit here wondering because for the 1st time, I clearly started wondering what this year so far has been about? Clearly, for the first time in the past 5 years, I had been so busy & preoccupied with life & work ... that not much time is sunk into evaluation & thought.
So, as I thought perspectives over, I know that at times of the year, I felt lost, not in control, uncertain of many things (including the future), frustrated and depressed ... the spurts of joy & happiness were enough to keep me alive but just.
Come to think of it, the past 13 months of my life was all about settling down to life & career. The package of course includes the unsettling feeling of settling down ... and it's hard to explain, but when living a life of a nomad, it's all about living life at the present to the fullest because tomorrow's uncertain ... in fact, each day's a new variable & the beauty of it is that if it's sucky, we can walk away with no commitments.
And now, I understand for the 1st time why I am so depressed ... I have commitment not just to investments, education & liabilities, but also to people in my work ... people who depend on me each day. In fact, it is hard to go through any decision without consideration of resulting consequences. So, as much as I would love to just take off at will ... guess it's all chained up somewhere.
And back to my question ... I guess time is always of essence, just a matter of how much we value it. Looking at achievements, probably everyone's right that I should be more grateful for where I am today cause not everyone can do what I have done (althought there's always someone better isn't it?).
Probably also that I lost some precious moments due to my depression but like the story of the woodcutter & his axe, there must be times to stop & sharpen if we are to scale greater heights.
So, my conclusion? The year has been kind to me ... a lot to be thankful for ... good health, great friends & family, mostly fabulous colleagues, MBA moving along fine and
And if old grouchy & sensitive old me can get a grip of my damn ego & complexity, (and stroke of luck) I just might find a right soul mate (if PL can do it, so can I)
So here's the end of my swinging era :P
8th August 2005. It's amazing that the year has progressed so fast, so fast that I wonder if time is of essence anymore?
1 promotion, 2 heartbreaks, 3 depressions, 4 MBA subjects & countless challenges later, since 1st Jan 2005, I sit here wondering because for the 1st time, I clearly started wondering what this year so far has been about? Clearly, for the first time in the past 5 years, I had been so busy & preoccupied with life & work ... that not much time is sunk into evaluation & thought.
So, as I thought perspectives over, I know that at times of the year, I felt lost, not in control, uncertain of many things (including the future), frustrated and depressed ... the spurts of joy & happiness were enough to keep me alive but just.
Come to think of it, the past 13 months of my life was all about settling down to life & career. The package of course includes the unsettling feeling of settling down ... and it's hard to explain, but when living a life of a nomad, it's all about living life at the present to the fullest because tomorrow's uncertain ... in fact, each day's a new variable & the beauty of it is that if it's sucky, we can walk away with no commitments.
And now, I understand for the 1st time why I am so depressed ... I have commitment not just to investments, education & liabilities, but also to people in my work ... people who depend on me each day. In fact, it is hard to go through any decision without consideration of resulting consequences. So, as much as I would love to just take off at will ... guess it's all chained up somewhere.
And back to my question ... I guess time is always of essence, just a matter of how much we value it. Looking at achievements, probably everyone's right that I should be more grateful for where I am today cause not everyone can do what I have done (althought there's always someone better isn't it?).
Probably also that I lost some precious moments due to my depression but like the story of the woodcutter & his axe, there must be times to stop & sharpen if we are to scale greater heights.
So, my conclusion? The year has been kind to me ... a lot to be thankful for ... good health, great friends & family, mostly fabulous colleagues, MBA moving along fine and
And if old grouchy & sensitive old me can get a grip of my damn ego & complexity, (and stroke of luck) I just might find a right soul mate (if PL can do it, so can I)
So here's the end of my swinging era :P
posted by Jay @ 8.8.05
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