ever had this feeling?

Someone mentioned before that I am a great friend, but bad when it comes to relationships. As described, I can be the best person someone can have in their universe until the moment I decide I have deeper feelings for them.

Until that moment, I just 'explode' ... just cannot keep myself in control ... just in a state of trance where I am just unpredictable ... being aloof ... sometimes ignoring the very person I wished to impress ...

My ex boss, who was like a big brother to me, mentioned in his last ddinner with me ... that I am a great companion, but just too shy with girls. Someone who cannot take rejection. And I guess that was the reason why he was always 'promoting' me to other people, cause he's just worried that I end up being single for a bigger part of my life (or probably forever?).

I am no longer the loose cannon whom I used to be, going always for what I want (usually without thinking), getting bruised for my brash actions (but happy for the sense of righteousness I perceived I got from them) ... as i step into more responsible shoes & thoughts, I have to always consider the consequence of my actions for people that I am responsible for.

It's often cliche-d that with great power come great responsibility, but I think the fine print reads ... with great responsibility, comes great sacrifice.

The ironic thing about life is ... we often fall in love when we are not ready to love, but when we are ready to love, we fall in love under challenging circumstances, often along the lines of responsibility.

There are a lot of things I wish to say, I mean, I want to. But, responsibility complicate matters a lot. Will I again be the sacirficial pawn in the game of love? Inevitable.