How do you break a heart?
Jason teoh, the heart breaker? Let me add that to my 'accolades'.
But before that, let me say that "it would be absolutely amazing to know what people really think inside their heads".
Story is simple ... I met up with someone I used to like very much, to catch up a few days back. The irony in this hot-cold relation is that at most stages (except the initial) ... feelings & reactions were never mutual. In the past 19 months of this friendship, I had left her in the cold where she called me up, after 11 months and 8 months of gap. (well, hopefully u see what I mean by un-mutual feelings) Actually, I already 'moved on' from her from the moment I left for Slovakia2 and a half years ago.
It's absolutely amazing that she contacts me during important turning points of my career ... so I do admit I am more cranky and direct than usual, but never with any malice (oh yes, I am an angel ... hehehehe) ... just maybe, more cold than the usual me.
I don't have a problem having long & old friends. Just that, I am not good at keeping them ... as a person who lives in the present. The sentimental me died ... a long time ago. But anyway, back to the story ... it's the same thing everytime we meet up .... like trying to make things sound like they were 2001, but things have changed ... I mean I have changed.
9:20 p.m.
So, the conversation that night was quite brief ... mainly because I did not have a lot to talk (my mind was raging about my career thoughts) ... questions were like the usual ... what's going on? what are you doing? still chasing dreams? but probably she was more emotional (ok, I give credit that people change & maybe she has in that 8 month period) ... seemed like she had something that she wanted to let out ... (in the end she did not)
questions ... do I have any girlfriend yet? how's studies?
oh, I have no life ... just work, study & family ... what girlfriend? what relationship? I am quite focused on my career and if someone wants to come into my life ... it has to go my direction.
that was the clincher ... silence for a while. Then she started asking me what I think about her ... etc.
10:20p.m.
After some small talk, I thought I was done with the night ... not in the mood for small talk and I need my sleep.
So, in the car ... she asked a golden question .... "Jason, have u ever told anyone what you feel about them?"
"Depends, not always"
"ok, can u give an example?" (uh-oh ... that was a wrong question ... rather ... u asked for it babe)
"I can ... how about you?"
Probably lit her up, maybe she was waiting for this the whole night ... finally I will answer her once & for all.
"well ... I never told you ... cause the problem is with me ... and I never wanted to start anything with anyone, when I went overseas ... I did like you very much, but that was the past. And I changed ..."
"Is there something wrong with me?"
"No, the problem is me ... and I know now I want to focus on my career"
(Good timing cause we arrived at her place) She was (or looked) quite stunned probably because she did not expect this twist in events ...
"well ... er ... ok ... see you, maybe meet next time" (quite a quick exit ... but I thought maybe give credit that long-winded people do change)
So, I thought this chapter would be over (until she drops me a call again some next year or so I thought?)
So, 24 hours later ... I got an sms when sleeping ...
"Dearest Mr. Jason Teoh, Thank you for all your comments last night. I disagree about all the horrible things you said about me.; I am not all you said. you just caught me when I was in a blur state. Real friends don't say things you do. I am not that softhearted as you said and I will prove it with my success. Stop saying you wish to be the best because the best are humble people. Repent. And oh, good luck with you life":
My comments:
> reality check, YOU asked for my comments babe
> I have always been like this, why suddenly say all these? were you being an untrue friend all this time?
> if I want to be the best, that none of your business if you dislike it
> the message is not her style, must be written by someone else, another person with more bombastic vocab
> give her credit to write such sms (it was bloody irritating cause she broke it into 4 sms(es) ) and this was then I was sleeping ... good timing and she took 24 hours to formulate her reply
Conclusion?
I think I broke a heart but then again ... can I say she asked for it? Maybe it's safer to say ... I could have not mentioned what I did? Probably.
But before that, let me say that "it would be absolutely amazing to know what people really think inside their heads".
Story is simple ... I met up with someone I used to like very much, to catch up a few days back. The irony in this hot-cold relation is that at most stages (except the initial) ... feelings & reactions were never mutual. In the past 19 months of this friendship, I had left her in the cold where she called me up, after 11 months and 8 months of gap. (well, hopefully u see what I mean by un-mutual feelings) Actually, I already 'moved on' from her from the moment I left for Slovakia2 and a half years ago.
It's absolutely amazing that she contacts me during important turning points of my career ... so I do admit I am more cranky and direct than usual, but never with any malice (oh yes, I am an angel ... hehehehe) ... just maybe, more cold than the usual me.
I don't have a problem having long & old friends. Just that, I am not good at keeping them ... as a person who lives in the present. The sentimental me died ... a long time ago. But anyway, back to the story ... it's the same thing everytime we meet up .... like trying to make things sound like they were 2001, but things have changed ... I mean I have changed.
9:20 p.m.
So, the conversation that night was quite brief ... mainly because I did not have a lot to talk (my mind was raging about my career thoughts) ... questions were like the usual ... what's going on? what are you doing? still chasing dreams? but probably she was more emotional (ok, I give credit that people change & maybe she has in that 8 month period) ... seemed like she had something that she wanted to let out ... (in the end she did not)
questions ... do I have any girlfriend yet? how's studies?
oh, I have no life ... just work, study & family ... what girlfriend? what relationship? I am quite focused on my career and if someone wants to come into my life ... it has to go my direction.
that was the clincher ... silence for a while. Then she started asking me what I think about her ... etc.
10:20p.m.
After some small talk, I thought I was done with the night ... not in the mood for small talk and I need my sleep.
So, in the car ... she asked a golden question .... "Jason, have u ever told anyone what you feel about them?"
"Depends, not always"
"ok, can u give an example?" (uh-oh ... that was a wrong question ... rather ... u asked for it babe)
"I can ... how about you?"
Probably lit her up, maybe she was waiting for this the whole night ... finally I will answer her once & for all.
"well ... I never told you ... cause the problem is with me ... and I never wanted to start anything with anyone, when I went overseas ... I did like you very much, but that was the past. And I changed ..."
"Is there something wrong with me?"
"No, the problem is me ... and I know now I want to focus on my career"
(Good timing cause we arrived at her place) She was (or looked) quite stunned probably because she did not expect this twist in events ...
"well ... er ... ok ... see you, maybe meet next time" (quite a quick exit ... but I thought maybe give credit that long-winded people do change)
So, I thought this chapter would be over (until she drops me a call again some next year or so I thought?)
So, 24 hours later ... I got an sms when sleeping ...
"Dearest Mr. Jason Teoh, Thank you for all your comments last night. I disagree about all the horrible things you said about me.; I am not all you said. you just caught me when I was in a blur state. Real friends don't say things you do. I am not that softhearted as you said and I will prove it with my success. Stop saying you wish to be the best because the best are humble people. Repent. And oh, good luck with you life":
My comments:
> reality check, YOU asked for my comments babe
> I have always been like this, why suddenly say all these? were you being an untrue friend all this time?
> if I want to be the best, that none of your business if you dislike it
> the message is not her style, must be written by someone else, another person with more bombastic vocab
> give her credit to write such sms (it was bloody irritating cause she broke it into 4 sms(es) ) and this was then I was sleeping ... good timing and she took 24 hours to formulate her reply
Conclusion?
I think I broke a heart but then again ... can I say she asked for it? Maybe it's safer to say ... I could have not mentioned what I did? Probably.
posted by Jay @ 27.2.05
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